ARE WE DOOMED?

Wrote the following five years ago. I thought I'd like to share it on the occasion of Bong's 49th birthday. You're doing a good job, Bong!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Sabi daw ni J.K. Rowling na ang Harry Potter books niya ay "a litany of bad fathers. That's where evil seems to flourish, in places where people didn't get good fathering." I beg to disagree! I believe that we are what we are as a result of choices that we make in our lives. Yes, if our fathers did a lousy job, it can be one of the reasons why we find ourselves all twisted inside. BUT we shouldn't use it as an excuse to stay that way. I always tell my siblings that despite the tragedy of our parents' relationship and its effect on our emotional make-up, we didn't turn out so bad! They must have done something right somehow!

Fe, who knows me more than anyone else, pointed out something which never occurred to me before. She said that one good thing that came out of my having to be constantly caught in the middle of my parents' fights was my ability to see things objectively. She said she constantly ran to me for advice because I was sure to give her an honest and fair evaluation of a situation. What I thought was a weakness for not being able to readily take sides in an issue or conflict was considered a strength by my friend.

I think the more important blessing we can get from our less-than-perfect childhood is that we try to be better parents to our children than our parents were to us. Early on, I decided I would spare my children the misery I had to go through as a child being asked to take sides in a fight and having to be the one to make things right between my parents. Even my choice of a husband was dictated by his being basically unlike my father. Papa tried to be a good father but because he failed at being a good husband, he couldn't quite succeed at the fathering bit.

I know my children will be happier than I was. And they will turn out to be as great (ehem!) as their scarred parent. And that, ironically, they would owe to their grandparents!