Kay Luna, Kaibigan

(Isinulat noong Nobyembre 2008, sa gitna ng lubos na pagkalito sa kinahahantungan ng pagbabalik ng ating pagkakaibigan.)
 
Mula sa karimlan, muling nagbalik
Pagtanggap may pag-aalinlangan

Mula sa putikan, muling lumitaw
Hinugasang, nagbagong kalooban

Kung kaibigan ang turing
Yayakapin,Walang pagdududa, walang pangamba

Ngunit kapag katagang may hibla ng pag-ibig, sinasambit
At bahid ng nagdaan ipinaalala
Inog ng puso ko'y naiiba.
Umuusbong na pagtitiwala, nabubura.

Ano nga ba ang iyong nararamdaman?
Ano nga ba ang iyong ninanasa?

Tila di mag-aabot ating mga pangangailangan
Tila di magkakatapat, inaasam mula sa isa't-isa.

Hindi ko alam kung dapat pang magpatuloy
Itong pag-aalinlangan, pagtataka, pagtatanong

Kung ako'y lumayo
Sagot ba ito upang maibalik ang kapanatagan,
Manahan, katahimikan ng kalooban?

Ano nga ba, Luna, kaibigan
Ang tunay na kasagutan?

On the brink

Candles dripping slowly
Ice melting away
A leaf clinging to a dying tree
Standing at the edge of a precipe.

Sunset fading into darkness
Wilting flowers, cradled in hope-weary arms
Gasping, desperately recalling, humming
The last strains of a beloved song.

Oh, Light of the night
From the brink of desolation, rescue me
Oh, Breath of a new day, ignite the distant embers
Lest I forget... why and how much I love you.

Pablo undertands me

Sonnet LXXXI From: �Cien sonetos de amor� �Already, you are mine. Rest with your dream inside my dream.� ~ Pablo Neruda

Already, you are mine. Rest with your dream inside my dream. Love, grief, labour, must sleep now. Night revolves on invisible wheels and joined to me you are pure as sleeping amber. No one else will sleep with my dream, love. You will go we will go joined by the waters of time. No other one will travel the shadows with me, only you, eternal nature, eternal sun, eternal moon. Already your hands have opened their delicate fists and let fall, without direction, their gentle signs, you eyes enclosing themselves like two grey wings, while I follow the waters you bring that take me onwards: night, Earth, winds weave their fate, and already, not only am I not without you, I alone am your dream.

The Only Way To Love The Moon

For too long
The Moon offered laughter… and More to the Star.
That is, when he chose to reveal his elusive light
When flimsy clouds of uncertainty were cast aside
When he could leave the comfort of safe shadows.

The Star - basking, delirious in the Moon’s glow
Believed that her place was also in the sky
Because it was the only way to love the Moon
Enduring his waning and waxing
Igniting her body, searing her soul
Embracing a lunacy found only in his arms.

Now, the Star knows that it was all a delusion
There is no room in the Moon’s sky for her
He tried... but didn't know
How to love her back
He only knew how to be the Moon.

Bone-weary from trying to be
the Star that she was not
Shedding her luster,
Limp spirit caressing the ground
The coldness of his secrets seeping in
Eyes still awash with cruel realizations

The dark yields no answers
Except to whisper that
The Moon wants only to be beheld from afar.

5/7/2010

4:37 AM

YouTube - Pablo Neruda : I love you in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

Tula ng masidhing pangungulila

Para akong nauupos na kandila.
Hayaan ko na lang kayang matunaw
Hanggang maibsan ang pangungulila
Walang matira sa pag-irog, ni hibla.

Upang sa pagmulat ng aking mga mata
Sa madilim na katotohanan,
Mapait na pagpapatunay
Na sa aking buhay, Siya ay lumisan na.

 

Till the mirror whispers

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the most foolish of them all?

Is it that woman there?
Who careened into a liaison
Courting danger
Loving him in reckless abandon

Or is it me, placid
Staying, waiting,
No, suffering
Till the mirror whispers
His love is no more.

28 October 2009

A day without you

Bright sunlight,

Hopes of You

Fading light,

Sadness veiling my heart

Darkness,

Waiting in vain

Will there ever be a Dawn?

The sky is crying for me

Do not be fooled
By the facade of strength
and Zen calmness

Inside me dwells
A well of grief
For things that couldn't be
And for someone
I will never again see.

Rain is pouring, steady, strong
Then it stops, only to come back again
And again...and again
Challenging my child-like faith
That the sun would light her way Home.

But no, the sky is in mourning too

Shedding the tears

That I do not care to show

Slowly washing away

Regrets and resentments

Till they be no more

 

The garden she loved is green

The leaves glisten

The flowers are in bloom

They have been watered

By memories of one who loved us

Above all.

 

I am at peace.

For Mama (December 12, 1922 - June 11, 2009)
 

Alay sa UP Freshmen 2009

Address for CSSP Freshmen Survival Handbook

  

Huminga ng malalim

Namnamin, naiibang simoy ng hangin

Na malayang umiihip sa Diliman

Pangarap, inasam-asam, narito na ang kagampanan.

Laging makakasama,

Amoy ng mga pauli-ulit na ulam sa CASAA,

Monay,camote-Q, turon, at carioca

Malalanghap, usok ng IKOT at TOKI jeep

Kahalo ng mga hininga

Ng sa paglakad at pagtakbo sa Academic Oval, 

Kalusuga’t pagpayat iniaasa.

Pagmasdan ang luntiang kapaligiran,

Matatayog na mga gusali, bago at luma

Tandaan mabuti ang mga bagong mukha

Abangan, mga palabas sa teatro at lansangan

Imulat ang mga mata sa lantad na katotohanan

Dito tayo sa UP, nirerespeto ang kaibhan.

Pakinggan nang mabuti

Tunog ng kampanang umaawit, halakhak sa mga tambayan

Mga sigaw ng protesta, mga bulungan ng nag-iibigan

Mga boses na gagabay sa inyong mga unang hakbang

Mga tuntunin at payo, huwag kalimutan

Mga balita ng mga guro at kolehiyo,inyong abangan.

Yakapin ang mga karanasan

Hatid ng inyong pagbaybay sa di-patag na daan

Matuto mula sa mga kamalian

Ipagbunyi ang mga suliraning pagtatagumpayan!

Pagbating mainit aming alay

Pangakong maingat na pagsubaybay

Habang hinuhubog, inyong mga diwa’t isipan  

Upang maisapuso, paglilingkod sa Sangkatauhan

Kayong hinirang na mga bagong Iskolar ng Bayan!

Vertigo

Lightheaded
In the supermarket
Is it vertigo again
From looking up and down
The aisles and rows of goods
To feed my hungry family?

Or dizzy
Over the overwhelming  circumstances
Of Mama's sickness and hospital bills?
Out of my reach
Beyond my control

Or just bone tired
And sleep deprived?
Shuttling from job to job
101 to Psych to Home...
To St. Luke's to Church to PETA
Wanting to do it all
Because I have to do it all

I need to stop and sit
Close my eyes
Rest my mind
Catch my breath

To reclaim Me
Even if only for a moment.
Better yet
Until the spinning is no more.

Alambre, hiyas, at tula

Alin kaya ang mas matimbang sa akin?
Gigil?
Pagpipigil sa panggigigil?
O hindi pag-amin sa panggigigil?
Hmmm...


Hinanda para sa isang art show pero naging daan para maibsan ang pangangailangang lumikha at lagyan ng kuwento ang mga nilikhang ito. (I-click ang mga larawan upang mabasa ang mga tula.)

The Painting & The Poem

ON SEEING HIM AGAIN

My pain dwells behind
A screen of lace
Wrought by fingers
In restless wait.

Gossamer strands of sighs
Intertwining, embracing
Coarse twines of guilt
Unraveling in my mind.

As if through a tulled veil
Made taut by tears
Forbidden to fall
This heart looks from afar.

To behold, to caress
Yet never touch

To memorize your every expression
Despite prying eyes
That keep watch.

My essence wears a silken sheath
Unseen by those who know not
But the light that is you
Lays bare the weakest in me.

My soul awakens only in my dreams
Where reality is surrendered
And the scent of your being
Vividly remembered.

My sanity is in tattered disguise
Pleading to break free
Should I don mourning black
To clothe the rest of me?


The painting, "The Black Bride", is by Welbart, one of my Multiply Contacts. I grabbed this image from "In His Place..." album in his site. I've yet to meet him or see his works except through the web. But from what you'll see in http://welbartstudio.multiply.com you will surely agree with me that he is a noteworthy & fantastic artist.

The poem is mine, from so long ago, & has been published in virtualwriter.net. The words and the painting just seemed to belong together.

MULA SA AKING BINTANA

                            Image by Gari Buenavista (http://pananaw.multiply.com)

Agaw-dilim, Agaw-dilim

Bakit pangamba ang dulot mo, agaw-dilim?

Katahimikang bumabalot sa naghihingalong araw

Bumubuhay sa mga alaalang nahihimlay.

Agaw-dilim, malupit na agaw-dilim

Sa iyong pagyapos, tila lakas ko’y nauupos

Ulirat ko’y pilit ibinibigkis

Sa mga pinipilit limuting hapis.

Agaw-dilim, agaw-dilim

Pakiusap ko sa iyo, agaw-dilim

Aking tanong, ihatid sa puso ng tinatanaw ko

                                          “Paminsan-minsan ba’y naaalala mo rin ako?”

Pighati sa UP Sunken Garden

Green upon green
Grief upon grief
On my bed, On My bench
A face I cannot recall, Words that I've been waiting for
They are one and the same.

The tears on this breezy morning are not new
The salt stings, they blur scenes
Played in a mind that foolishly hopes
Images of waiting...waiting in vain.

I don't want this, I no longer need this.

The well of despair in my being
I will dilute
With the cold green tea in my hand

The spark of the forgotten feeling
I will douse with lines
From the pain-drenched journal in my other hand

I will let the scent of newly-cut grass
Soothe me, intoxicate me
Until the longing is no more.

One more

May oras pa ba ako para sa isa pang blog?

Ang mga papel, laptop, at libro nga ang katapat ko ng ilang linggo na.
Laman ng aking mga panaginip at pangamba.
Ito dapat ang tapusin ko at hindi magsimula ng iba.
Ngayon, at now na!!!

Hihirit pa ba ako? Napatula na nga ako kaya eto na ang unang blog entry ko! Hay!

Parang ang layo mo

USC Talamban Chapel, Cebu

Kung minsan, parang ang layo-layo mo
Lalo na kapag nagagalit ako... sa mundo.
Sa mga taong di umaayon sa mga pagkilos na inaasahan ko
Sa mga pagsubok na sunod-sunod
Sa mga pangangailangang di matapos-tapos
Sa aking pangungulila sa mga kaibigang nawala
Sa kadilimang sumisilip mula sa kalaliman ng aking diwa.

Bohol pier, August 2007

The light is what keeps me going

In the darkness of this soul

There is that elusive glimmer

Someday, no longer just the view but...There.