LCM Outing in Tanay, Rizal

May 19, 2007

The mermaids are now mothers and grandmothers. They are no longer concerned that bathing suit sizes are XXL but are still proud of blemish-free and fair skin. Since I possess neither of the latter two, I comfort myself that at least I still fit into a size 10 (Horrors!)... The free-flowing water from a virgin spring washes away all the cares of the day. The freezing cold water invigorates, makes us maidens once again. If only for a few hours, reminds us that we are invincible, that we have taken on much, much more and have triumphed!

Sampaloc Lake

Our childhood memories of this beautiful lake, cold and rushing through every bit of my being. Once again, a picture of a carefree youth when wild hair would not have mattered. When effortless smiles were easy to come by. Alas, they are no more.

But with the lake behind us, Ling and I, we will always be young!

Feeling 15 at 50!

It's fun! You never really outgrow it. You just sweep it behind a dusty curtain which you open surreptitiously when no one else is looking. You take a peek once in a while to reassure yourself that the teen-ager is still there. Deep inside this creature with a creased brow and unsightly bulges, is a young girl whose day is made with a special someone's smile! In place of the champion who is thinking of how to change the world is a flirt who would rather think if her change of hairstyle will get the boy to take a second look. Beneath the serious mien when deep in discussion with him is a giggly adolescent who is really thinking of how sexy his voice sounds when he says her name!

Would I want to be 15 again? Maybe, with my 25 year-old dreams, my 35-year-old body, my 40 year-old spunk and my 50 year-old soul!

Mortality

When you have microcalcifications in your left breast and a myoma in your reproductive area, you have to think about it. Death, that is. But why do I bear the possibility with such calm detachment? I would expect trepidation or even panic. Maybe because I know it's not that serious? Or maybe because I just don't care? Dying, that is!

ELEGY TO MEMORIES

It seems like memories make you what you are. If you forget the people you love. Or why you love them. If you forget what is right or wrong. If you forget what you were thinking of a few seconds ago? If you forget ... if you forget... are you still who you are?

FAITH IS LIKE SWIMMING

Faith is like swimming. If you struggle, you'll sink. If you rest, you'll float. When you pray don't beg or struggle. Simply believe.

I could have written that. Even when I hadn't read this yet, this is what I would always tell people about how I survived year 2000 and other serious personal crises before that.

I have learned that when I struggle, I end up more confused and bedraggled. It is because I want to be in control of things and they end up controlling me. I just sink deeper because I believe that certain things should be done a certain way and realize my folly after only reaching pit bottom. Parang bang nagsasabi sa akin, "Ang tigas talaga ng ulo mo!If you allow yourself to just let things be or heed that silent voice which tells you that there is a better way, you'll get there faster."

And so, I've become more tolerant of changes. I don't get as frazzled when things fall into place as I imagined they would. That's because I believe God has a better plan and I'd better not get in his way!

And this lesson I learned during the times while swimming by myself, I would pause after some strenuous laps and just float and gaze at the sky. The weightlessness and the sight was stupendous and a gift after a really bad day!