My Hands are Full

One hand, a handbag with 2 mobile phones. The other hand, folders with papers to check. One shoulder. tote bag with laptop inside and more personal papers to attend to. Right hand, insulated coffee mug. Left brain, reports that need to be written. Right brain, emotions that just have to be put on hold.

Most days, this is how you will see me as I get into my ride and later, walk the short distance to my office after I disembark. That picture of me is a clue on what I hope to do when I get to my place of work but most of the time, they remain as unfulfilled figments of my imagination. I seem to always forget that there are tons of other tasks that await my attention as soon as I get to sit at my desk. 

I like to think of myself as a successful multi-tasker, being able to muster the energy and resolve to accomplish all that is expected of me as a mother, wife, sibling, friend, teacher, administrator, colleague, church volunteer, etc. But lately, I know that many spheres of my life have suffered because of this illusion that I am Superwoman.

Today, with a headache that won't go away, I am trying to finish a task which was due over two weeks ago. I am debating with myself whether this should take precedence over a regular parish meeting which I have neglected to attend many times. Should I just ignore the message  my body is giving me that I try to do too much. Why, oh why do I have dilemmas like these?

Many people stop doing challenging things because of a fear of failure. I think with me it may just be the opposite - I try to be good at everything because I have a fear of mediocrity. But I realize now that by trying to do everything, I just might end up in that state.

So, I will find the time in the next few weeks to sort out my priorities. Out of obligation, I will discharge the duties which will be for the good of many. I will not allow barbs and thoughtless remarks to discourage me from doing my best. I will turn my back on situations which make me unhappy and instead move on to dreams that I can fulfill. In the long run, I will toss out those which will take me away from giving more time and attention to those I love and those who love me back!